The Shower Beer, the pre-gaming ritual where you gulp an ice cold beer during your hot shower
Shower beers aren't just for pre-gaming college kids and dude bros. Naw, the truth is that showering with a beer has existed for a long, long time.
Long before the internet. Long before Urban Dictionary. And most definitely, long before BroBible. This was a time before trending reddit memes, social media hashtags, and Swedish craft beers marketed as literal shower beers - looking at you, Pangpang Brewery and SNASK. This was a time before the explosion of craft breweries in the United States.
There is a reason no one knows who invented shower beers. That's because this soapy call to drinking arms is ingrained in our DNA. Quite frankly, there is nothing more enjoyable after a hard day of working your (crappy) corporate job than quaffing a cold beverage under a fountain of hot water.
Even the data supports it. Over 70% of Americans shower once per day. If everyone drank a shower beer, it would amount to a quarter of a billion beers per day. That's a heck of a lot of session IPAs and lagers. Why session beers? You will soon find out.
What type of beer makes a good shower beer?
A good shower beer is a low abv pilsner. The purpose of boozing it up under the shower head is to pre-game the night. Strong pale ale's, like DIPAs and Triple IPAs are not your friend when you're getting lathered up. Pangpang and SNASK would have you believe that a six ounce, 10% strong pale ale is your waterfall wingman, but we assure you, it's not. The reason is simple, we would all bring two. Mathematics, for the win!
The only time you're allowed an 8%+ citrusy IPA shower beer is if you got out of work late, are playing super catch up, and your house is hosting the party. Exceptions to the rule include layoffs, firings, deaths in the family, and parenting, clearly.
To bring some levity to that last statement, there are two other scenarios where any beer is acceptable for a shower beer:
- When you're forced into a baby shower. Then shower beer away with Three Philosophers, Mad Elfs, and Mt. Greylock's from the Greater Good Imperial Brewing Company.
- When you try to clean up your dog. Dogs are not psyched by showers. So, you're gonna need all the abv help you can get to wash that puppers.
How to properly enjoy a shower beer
There is no right way to enjoy a shower beer. But, there sure are a few wrong ways. Here are a few steps that trump the bad ideas when partaking of the ol' bathtub brewchug:
- Step one - Make the right beer selection. The goal is to drink beer. It is not to unravel the mysteries of double dry hopping or deconstruct the malt profile of an Imperial Milk Porter. Think tasteless, commercial Big Beverage. You can't go wrong with a Busch Light or PBR. If you have to go Bud, Miller, or Coors Light, we get it. If you want to express your inner craft snobbery, in ways other than talking about how much you love Tree House, how about a Nite Lite from Night Shift Brewing?
- Step two - Cans. Always cans. Never, ever, bring glass into the mix. It's never worth it. There is enough time to gulp down an ice cold cruiser when you're toweling off or applying a spritz of the ol' Drakkar Noir to the chest.
- Step three - Buy a shower beer caddie/holder/koozie. Get one from Amazon (or Target/Walmart), stick it on the tub wall, and you're good to go. This will prove a life saver, should you be so audacious as to bring a glass beer bottle into the shower. Interestingly enough, they also sell a Shower Beer Holder Bluetooth Speaker. Who knew? Maybe you can listen to a beer-sponsored podcast.
- Bonus Step - Get meta and buy beer soap to go with your shower beer of choice. Bonus points for matching the soap to the beer. While beer itself works to condition your hair, beer soap has many benefits for your skin, including being less harsh on it, fighting acne, and helping to make shaving easier. Win-win.
Where to buy shower beers
The official shower beers are over at the Swedish brewery. For you, the local craft beer cellar, the grocery store, a brewery near you, the local packie, etc. Every beer is a shower beer if you're committed - and of course, breaking the rules (ehhh, guidelines) we've set forth.
Does a beer taste better in the shower?
Like Tom Brady and rings, our favorite beer is the next one. By that (woefully under-supported logic), yes, beers tastes better in the shower. Feel free to tweet that nugget of scientific wisdom on out on our behalf. Just nothing nsfw, ok?
To conclude, remember, the purpose of the shower beer is to pre-game the evening. Don't go overboard. Cans and 5% abv max.